Wednesday, September 26, 2012
Friday, September 21, 2012
A quick Management Course.......
Ok, I found this amazing management course on the internet and i am glad to share it with you guys and girls......It''s really awesome and will teach you a lot, check it out :
Lesson 1:
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.
Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel."
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.
After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?" "It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.
"Great!" the husband says, "did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"
Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
Lesson 2:
A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest apologized "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak."
Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."
Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, opportunities for advancement will pass right by you.
Lesson 3:
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish."
"Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." Puff! She's gone.
"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life." Puff! He's gone.
"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."
Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.
Lesson 4:
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?"
The eagle answered: "Sure , why not."
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
Lesson 5:
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."
"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients."
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.
Moral of the story:
Bull shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
Lesson 6:
A little bird was flying south for the Winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and shit on him.
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
Morals of the story:
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
I hope this helped.....:))
Lesson 1:
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.
Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel."
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.
After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?" "It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.
"Great!" the husband says, "did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"
Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
Lesson 2:
A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest apologized "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak."
Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."
Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, opportunities for advancement will pass right by you.
Lesson 3:
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish."
"Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." Puff! She's gone.
"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life." Puff! He's gone.
"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."
Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.
Lesson 4:
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?"
The eagle answered: "Sure , why not."
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
Lesson 5:
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."
"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients."
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.
Moral of the story:
Bull shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
Lesson 6:
A little bird was flying south for the Winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and shit on him.
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
Morals of the story:
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
I hope this helped.....:))
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
Invention of GOD......
So, we human beings have a tendency to reason for each and everything that happens around us. Though this is not a bad thing but inventing new things just because we haven't been able to find the exact actual reason for something takes it to a new insanity level.
Not sure where I am going with this?? Alright let me tell you.
We have not been able to figure out what the role of a human being is on Earth. Well due to curiosity, we have created GODs so that we could give a reason that we are here to serve them. And who doesn't serve them is punished by the GODs, though the punishment is given by human beings. Yes, that's insane alright. Well, that's not it. We have created so many GODs, too many of them that people fight over who is real and who's not and who is more powerful and crap and crap. I'm sure you are getting the point by now.
So, people kill each other just because their GOD wants them to kill who don't believe in him or who goes again their GOD. Well that's one hell of a GOD right there, sounds more like a Devil though. Anyways, people are so blinded that they use religion to support their lunatic anti-social behavior and that's what gets on my nerves. I hope to see people using their minds more often in future and are free from the constraints of religions and follow a much better road to life.
Not sure where I am going with this?? Alright let me tell you.
We have not been able to figure out what the role of a human being is on Earth. Well due to curiosity, we have created GODs so that we could give a reason that we are here to serve them. And who doesn't serve them is punished by the GODs, though the punishment is given by human beings. Yes, that's insane alright. Well, that's not it. We have created so many GODs, too many of them that people fight over who is real and who's not and who is more powerful and crap and crap. I'm sure you are getting the point by now.
So, people kill each other just because their GOD wants them to kill who don't believe in him or who goes again their GOD. Well that's one hell of a GOD right there, sounds more like a Devil though. Anyways, people are so blinded that they use religion to support their lunatic anti-social behavior and that's what gets on my nerves. I hope to see people using their minds more often in future and are free from the constraints of religions and follow a much better road to life.
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
Turn your child into a human being....
I was reading one article the other day about some research the scientists conducted on Children's brains. And It was a good one, I must say. Well it made scientists realize that children have a natural, an intuitive way or reasoning with what happens around them that makes them believe in all kinds of supernatural crap and beliefs and so they have their own beliefs for how the world works. And Yes, I agree.
Because a child doesn't know anything, he/she learns from other people and grabs anything and everything that he/she sees and hears. And as we know a majority of population believes in all kinds of supernatural things and that's what they teach the kids. And the kids also start to believe in those things and even create their own reasons from those beliefs for other similar things that happen around them.
But when they grow up they learn about the history, science and other things in the world and those superstitions beliefs are replaced by the new things that they learn. And the rest of the things that are not explained to them by books, those illogical superstitions remain as religion and its really hard to replace them and time passes by.
And these illogical beliefs can be really weird. Let me give you an example. I read a news about one guy who refused an organ transplant from a murdered because he had a belief that a person's personality can be stored in his organs. And that's not the weirdest of them all, believe me. [laugh].
Well anyways, what I'm trying to point out is the fact that children should be given valid reasons for things that happen around them and they should be taught what really is and not something that's invisible and is living in the sky and controls people. [laugh]. Turn your children into human beings and not some stupid losers who think they can't make their own destiny and create a life that they desire for.
Because a child doesn't know anything, he/she learns from other people and grabs anything and everything that he/she sees and hears. And as we know a majority of population believes in all kinds of supernatural things and that's what they teach the kids. And the kids also start to believe in those things and even create their own reasons from those beliefs for other similar things that happen around them.
But when they grow up they learn about the history, science and other things in the world and those superstitions beliefs are replaced by the new things that they learn. And the rest of the things that are not explained to them by books, those illogical superstitions remain as religion and its really hard to replace them and time passes by.
And these illogical beliefs can be really weird. Let me give you an example. I read a news about one guy who refused an organ transplant from a murdered because he had a belief that a person's personality can be stored in his organs. And that's not the weirdest of them all, believe me. [laugh].
Well anyways, what I'm trying to point out is the fact that children should be given valid reasons for things that happen around them and they should be taught what really is and not something that's invisible and is living in the sky and controls people. [laugh]. Turn your children into human beings and not some stupid losers who think they can't make their own destiny and create a life that they desire for.
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